The Twits* keep complaining that there’s no food in the house. I am bewildered. The fridge is host to cheddar, blue, swiss, jack, parmesan and goat cheeses; milk, butter, eggs and yogurt; homemade chocolate and simple syrups; freshly baked granola; a selection of house-cured salamis and smoked fish; from-our-garden vegetables: carrots, cucumbers, lettuce, leeks, green onions, parsley, dill, sweet peppers, eggplant, corn, chard; from-our-garden fruit: blueberries, raspberries, peaches (and store-bought lemons); a whack of condiments; marinated then stir-fried tofu; sunflower, peanut and almond butters. Three types of garden tomatoes, plus avocados, bananas and tangerines grace a bowl on the counter next to the Orca and speckled beans, now dried and ready for cooking. Cupboards are packed with extra-virgin olive, toasted sesame and coconut oils, myriad vinegars, maple syrup, canned tuna, canned tomatoes, popping corn. Drawers host copious amounts of grains, flours, spices, dried pasta, dug-from-our-garden potatoes, onions and garlic. There is always a selection of homemade artisanal breads and baking chocolate. A glance in the freezer reveals Emy’s vegetable empanadas; freshly ground beef and chicken from Hopcott’s; wild spring salmon; pecans, walnuts, almonds and sunflower seeds.
And yet. Each Twit walks into the kitchen, opens said fridge, cupboards, drawers and freezer, and announces: There is nothing to eat. I have taken this to mean: I’m hungry and I don’t feel like preparing food so will you please make me something or buy some potato chips?
(I must admit that last week the Teen Twit did cook up a batch of pasta swimming in tomato sauce that was so heavily doused in cheese the sauce turned beige; plus he managed to burn cheese and sauce over the entire five-burner cooktop. I’m not sure how he managed this feat; neither is he. In a fit of pique, I banned him from the kitchen unless under strict supervision.)
Dear Readers, please send suggestions via this blog to the Twits of what to slap together or quickly make (15 minutes, tops) based on the contents of our pantry? The Twits will judge the suggestions and the best ones will receive a batch of Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies. One request, please: no deep frying. I’ll report back on the results in a week. Maybe two.
Yours from scratch,
*Those Whom I Tirelessly Serve